Satoshi Nakamoto is really an AI, created by Future Pieter Wuille, that was sent back in time to create bitcoin.
Pieter Wuille doesn't write code, he wills it into existence.
Once I took my hardware wallet with me at a bitcoin meetup. When it sensed Pieter Wuille it started begging him for a signature.
Pieter Wuille once stopped a riot at the courthouse by segregating the witnesses.
Pieter Wuille once wrote a constant time generator for generating constant time cryptographic code.
Pieter Wuille doesn't wear his shirt inside-out, he reverse engineers existence.
If every copy of the blockchain were deleted Pieter Wuille would recreate it from memory.
When the FBI asked Pieter Wuille to crack plausible deniabilty of BIP39, he proved the hidden bitcoin stash of Carl Mark Force. FBI don't ask anymore.
Pieter Wuille once coincidentally mindmapped the entire human genome on an 11x14 whiteboard.
If all else fails, bitcoin should be restarted by syncing the code and the blockchain directly from Wuille's mind.